Have you ever been in a relationship where it didn’t work out and thought…
‘I don’t know how it lasted that long.’
‘I knew it wasn’t going to work.’
Maybe you both grew into different people. Maybe there was a sudden change in personality or maybe one person was stuck in the past. Whatever it was, there were obvious signs that things weren’t going in the right direction long before the breakup happened.
And after months or years of continuously trying to change the other person, finally, they couldn’t take it anymore. Once we break up, we start to heal and gain insights into our behavior and question why we didn’t do something sooner.
We can look back and say, “I was so unhappy there, but I didn’t do anything!” So why don’t we just say enough is enough as soon as we get those warning signs or feelings that it’s done!?
Well… probably a mixture of things, but here are a few possibilities:
- When there are children involved, there are indeed increased pressures/reasons to stay together and attempt to salvage or repair a relationship.
- The enormity of a breakup when kids are involved isn’t very appealing.
- The consequences
- The expectations of family
- The unknown future!
- Trying not to hurt the other person’s feelings.
- Being scared that the other person isn’t going to cope with the breakup.
These are all things that stem from external factors rather than things that come from within. Be critical of yourself, your relationship and where it is going.
Ask yourself: Do I like the person I am when I’m around this person?
If it gets to this point, then you should remember the reasons why you first got into the relationship.
And then think…
What kind of relationship am I in now?
Some ideas to think about:
Codependent Relationship. (0+0 = 0)
When one person can control the others emotions and what’s worse, supports their negative behaviors. They create a situation where neither thinks they can be anything without the other yet continuously complains about the others behavior.
Independent Relationship. 1 + 1 = 2
People here aren’t typically violating each other. They can benefit from each other’s presence because they can see the others wants and desires but that’s where it stops.
Interdependent Relationship 1 + 1 = 11
The advantages in this kind of relationship don’t come because the couple is together. The benefits come as a result of the growth both parties gain as a direct result of helping each other achieving the others goals and vice versa. Both sides are together because they choose to be and for no other reason…both with the abundance and freedom to say that enough is enough if needed.
Understanding these will help give you perspective on your relationship.
So, does this mean that you pull the pin at the first sign of trouble? No.
Does this mean you pounce at every opportunity to break up? No.[irp]
As with anything it’s about balance and having the intuition to know yourself. It’s just like, when you know, you know…… you know? Aim for a relationship where you are in it because you choose to be not because you have to be.
So, how do you support your partner and how does your partner support you?