I find myself having to find self-restraint and not to laugh at many things that my children do.
I have to act the grown up, be mature, be sensible and lead by example. In other words, I have to be the parent.
There are days I want to stamp my feet, fall on the floor and cry because I’m not getting my way, just like my toddler would do.
When I get angry, I want to scream, run to my room, slam the door behind me and put my music on loud. Forget that the world around me exists, wallow in my own self pity at the unfairness of whatever stupid whim that takes my fancy at the time (like not getting that bar of chocolate to spoil my dinner that I have to have right…NOW! NOW! NOW!!!!).
Oh to be a child again and not have the responsibilities of an adult.
Don’t get me wrong; this is not about my children. I don’t know what I would do without them.
I’m talking about, work, pay the bills, rent/mortgage and all the other things that adults have to do to be able support themselves and the family.
All that time wasted to provide, to work for someone else’s needs so they can have the bigger house, cars and reproduce the next reality television spoiled star, who will earn millions to add to their already over flowing trust fund. No… I’m not bitter, in the slightest
Cough! Cough! I call BS on myself.
There is no such thing as an easy life. Deep down we all know it. Even our children have problems, they might seem trivial to us, but emotionally, they are no smaller than our own. Do I do what my mother has taught me to do? Do I tell them to internalize their problems, it’s no one else’s business and they have to learn to solve them by themselves? Do I go the opposite way?
‘Talk to me, to your mum, to your sisters, to any other family member, to your friends, put it on social media. Do whatever you need to alleviate your problem’? What’s the right answer?
People think I’m strong because I don’t share my problems, and if I do, the issue had been solved a long time ago. I’m a private person, so much so that I am socially awkward (which I have mentioned previously).
On the exterior, I’m this calm, carefree, almost falling asleep relaxed person. Inside is a completely different story, I have so many things going through my head, that I feel like I’m going to implode. I’m being spoken to and the noise inside my head is so loud that I can’t hear you very well.
I’m starting to see that look in my children’s eyes. Like the cogs of old wooden toys, the current through the circuit boards, I can see their mind working. I find myself telling them to calm down and asking them what they are thinking, why they look so sad or lost. I want to take it all away because I know how it feels….
To be young
To have to do well at school
To conform? Because of peer pressure?
To be individual and all the trials and tribulations it brings to say ‘up yours, I am who I am, take it or leave it!’ It’s never been easy to live a happy carefree life as depicted in the movies. I’d be lying if I said I don’t envy the rich with their big houses and yachts and fast cars; yet, at the same time, does so much money bring happiness, or do the privileges that money bring also attract a bigger type of problem? If you follow the media you will see, son of this died in a car crash whilst driving their Ferrari, daughter of this dies from an overdose.
Are we luckier than them?
Does living the life of a drone distract everyone so much from excess that we have a better quality of life? My main wish as a child was to have a good life and that’s what I wish for my children.
Is this it? Am I living the enviable life or am I deluding myself so I feel better about myself?
If it’s not, who cares, maybe if I teach my children that living an average life is acceptable, maybe they will have the carefree life that we all crave. After all, how we nurture our children, helps define who they become in life. So, I can tell them to strive for glory, but don’t be sad or disappointed if you end up a face in the crowd as long as you have people that love you. How does that sound? Could it work? I don’t know, I’ll just have to wait and see.